It's been awhile since I last posted here, sorry about that. I've just returned form R&R. I am happy to say that my beautiful baby boy is happy and healthy. I can't explain how it felt to hold this child in my arms. Now for those of you who don't know me well, I've never been one for kids, but there was something about him that just pulled me into it. Perhaps it's the knowledge that this is my son. I enjoyed everything about him, from watching him sleep to changing his dirty diapers. It's a wonderful feeling fatherhood, I would only think one feeling surpasses it and that would be motherhood.
Well, the time at home was good and well spent doing nothing but spending time with my wife and son. The torturous pain and the agonizing guilt I feel for leaving them is unexplainable. The moment I held my son in my arms I knew that I could never spend another moment away from him and his mother, but I haven't a choice in the matter. So I left them.
I left them behind for what? A war I don't believe in. A job I despise in a country I find repulsive. Pretty strong words, but all of them true. I'm so tired and exhausted by the military and it's bullshit. It's no wonder that recruiters are being found to have shady practices because if they were honest no one in their right mind would enlist. I don't know how anyone in the military who has a family can stay in. Who can spend a year from their family and then look at them and say, "Well, I'm back for two years maybe less." How can someone risk their lives for a cause that the very people in this country are not willing to die for. All I can think about is my wife and child. All I can think about is that I've done my time, that I've served my country, let someone else do it now, but who? When the call to arms go out no one comes running. It's only after the blood is flowing that the warcryers appear looking for more fools to go bleed. They are called chicken hawks, the people who support a conflict that they aren't willing to sacrifice for. I think a better term would be buzzards. I remember being young and watching buzzards fly in circles high above a dead animal carcass. The buzzard is a carrion bird, they live off of what others kill.
Well, the time at home was good and well spent doing nothing but spending time with my wife and son. The torturous pain and the agonizing guilt I feel for leaving them is unexplainable. The moment I held my son in my arms I knew that I could never spend another moment away from him and his mother, but I haven't a choice in the matter. So I left them.
I left them behind for what? A war I don't believe in. A job I despise in a country I find repulsive. Pretty strong words, but all of them true. I'm so tired and exhausted by the military and it's bullshit. It's no wonder that recruiters are being found to have shady practices because if they were honest no one in their right mind would enlist. I don't know how anyone in the military who has a family can stay in. Who can spend a year from their family and then look at them and say, "Well, I'm back for two years maybe less." How can someone risk their lives for a cause that the very people in this country are not willing to die for. All I can think about is my wife and child. All I can think about is that I've done my time, that I've served my country, let someone else do it now, but who? When the call to arms go out no one comes running. It's only after the blood is flowing that the warcryers appear looking for more fools to go bleed. They are called chicken hawks, the people who support a conflict that they aren't willing to sacrifice for. I think a better term would be buzzards. I remember being young and watching buzzards fly in circles high above a dead animal carcass. The buzzard is a carrion bird, they live off of what others kill.
posted by L.J. Abershawe at 07:35
3 Comments:
I hate to say it, but I told you so! Yes, I do recall that you were never one that seems to care much for kids. But, as I said 10 months ago, "wait until you have one!" Take solice in the fact that this will be your last trip to the sand-box in "Middle Earth." You have a precious gift in your son. It won't be long before you're home again...to stay!
I am deployed in a different god forsaken country, within 6 months of my ETS, and I hate the Army too. I hate the fact that I've left my wife and 1 year old son behind and it depresses me that I'm looking at getting stop lossed weeks before my ETS to get yet another deployment to OIF or OEF. We may not see it now, but there will be a whole new breed of vets out there after this war is over, and it may actually tear our country apart.
How can anyone who has a child, even for a second, support any war in any time? It makes me want to vomit, these fucks who created this new-Hell-same-as-the-old-Hell.
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